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RETRO KNIGHT: THE REAL HISTORY
This history of Retro Knight is longer than most know, so let's start at the beginning!

In 2004, Logan Mitchell and I (Noah B. Wilson) started making a silly show called Hitmen about two bumbling assassins named Brick (Logan) and Grudge (Me). Keep in mind that this predates Youtube's existence! The running gag was that Brick had terrible aim and Grudge was just a complete and total moron. You can watch all the episodes we filmed from 2006-2007 on our main Smiley Crew Productions website. Good times. I'm not sure where that original 2004 episode is, but I know I have it somewhere safe. I just forgot where it was.

Fast forward to 2013. I start making mobile apps for iOS. I made a ton, and slowly made bigger and bigger games. I starting with simple shooters and maze games to figure out my limits until finally starting on the huge Retro Knight: The Relics of General Importance. Instead of creating a new character, I used Grudge's voice, and eventually just decided that this was Grudge from the old Hitmen series, only now he was a knight. To make it even more canonical, it was decided that Retro Knight would actually be a sequel to Hitmen, with the main characters moving to a new land and getting new jobs. Brick is infact a blacksmith in Retro Knight, and you can visit his shop in Kingdomland in the original game. Retro Knight became my biggest hit game, but Apple and Google (and Adobe) had other plans.

In 2020, Retro Knight became impossible to update. The ongoing war between mega-sized tech companies made it just too difficult and too confusing to keep adding more awesome to Retro Knight. This revealed an even bigger problem: Retro Knight was not in our control. Relying on a platform such as mobile phones meant that Smiley Crew Productions would forever be at the whim of these mega-sized companies who don't really care about how confusing or difficult app production is. So instead of fighting, I decided to take control by using HTML5 so anyone could play on a computer with no installations or downloads. Was it possible? Could Retro Knight even work in Chrome? Were we still under someone else's control. By 2022, the answer was clear that yes, it was possible, and yes, we were still somewhat under the reigns of HTML5 and Javascript's authority, but it was a hell of a lot easier than being under Apple and Google.

And so, on March 1st, 2022, Retro Knight's new website opened, and the journey back to Kingdomland began, only this time, it would be even better! Stick around as this story continues to develop!
RETRO KNIGHT CAST MEMBERS
Grudge The Retro Knight (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
Grudge is a simplton who moved from his home on Anarchy Island and got a job working as a knight for King Kerupt, except he often forgets he did that. He loves nachos and tacos and most unhealthy foods. He can be good with a sword if he remembers how to hold it. He lives alone in Grumpy Town, but his stairs can talk and he seems to also have a studio audience living with him. We're not sure why.

Brick The Blacksmith (Logan Mitchell) Playable Character!
Brick used to be Grudge's best friend back when they lived on Anarchy Island, but too many close calls has forced Brick to keep his distance. Brick just wants a simple life in this new land of Kingdomland, but is keeps getting pulled back into Grudge's insane adventures. Brick doesn't trust the government, and fights the good fight as a working class hero.

Sally Workload (Sharilyn Wilson) Playable Character!
Sally hates Kingdomland, and she hates working as General Jerkface's secretary, but it was the only job she could get in Kingdomland upon being forced to relocate. Always seeking a new life elsewhere, Sally delivers the jobs to Grudge despite her best efforts to get him fired (or killed). Sally can barely stand Grudge's voice, let alone his actions, but she sure loves Hobo Fights!

General Jerkface (Jason Weddell) Playable Character!
General Jerkface is the real power of Kingdomland, and he likes it that way. He is the right-hand-man to King Kerupt, but the doofus of a king is very easy to manipulate. Longing to forever tighten his grip on the people of Kingdomland, General Jerkface will stop at nothing to keep them in the dark about his masterplans by distracting them whatever he can.

King Kerupt (Noah B. Wilson)
King Kerupt is the latest in a long line of Kerupts. A bafoon aristocrat, and very much out of touch with reality, the wealthy king just wants more money, more food, and more power. In order to get even more of everything, he has created Kerupt Industries and ventured into many other markets, his favorite being the state-controlled television channel aptly named Kingdomland TV.

Dave The Yeti (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
Dave The Yeti moved south to Kingdomland upon discovering all the great foods they had to offer, and he never looked back. Friendly to a fault, Dave loves giving advice, talking to humans, and eating berries. Sadly, he has no concept of his own strength and ends up murdering people with his friendly hugs. Brick and Dave has become friends, but Brick knows not to get too close.

Dr. Kockpocalipse (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
The mad man is back! Another Anarchy Island transplant, the evil mastermind Dr. Kock moved his infamous Corporation H headquarters to Kingdomland upon realizing the authorities wouldn't bother coming to get him. This mad scientist has a knack for making monsters, many of which have escaped his mountain fortress to terrorize Kingdomland. Dr. Kock has no alliances, but will help anyone who can help him achieve his own goals.

OTHER CHARACTERS
Johnny Thunderpants (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
Pizza master and punk rocker from Anarchy Island. Runs Punk Rock Pizza. Likes to drink and punch people. No free pizza!

Adam Jobless (Logan Mitchell)
The founder of the Appelonian Cult and author of the holy text The Seed. Fights technological advancement.

Angus McGreggor (Max Marple) Playable Character!
A famous huntsman who is always looking for bigger game, unless it's bee-releated.

Athena Ripley (Sharilyn Wilson) Playable Character!
A fitness teacher and self-defense instructor who really really really wants to hit you, hard. Doesn't need a reason.

Illinois Smith (Jason Weddell) Playable Character!
A grand adventurer who seems to know a lot about ancient relics ... seems.

The Waffler (Brice Shultz) Playable Character!
A master chef in a long line of chefs. Bakes sweet treats in his underground lair: The Fortress of Waffletude.

Gorpee (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
Dr. Kockpocalipse's greatest, most faithful, and most huggable monster-pal.

Yoseph Poha (Noah B. Wilson)
A timid man who runs the Kingdomland Public Library, and thwarts General Jerkface's attempts to close it down.

Boozer The Clown (Gabe Wilson) Playable Character!
A homeless clown who loves to steal and drink. No one should trust him. Founder of Clown Fights.

Hobbo Stubs (Ryan Hancock) Playable Character!
A goofy hobo and Boozer's best friend. He seems to have a magic bag full of random objects. Founder of Clown Fights.

Han Shammity (Jason Weddell)
The face of Kerupt News and the Kingdomland TV Network. A trusted pawn of the regime, and happy to sell out.

Scarlet Hiplash (Sharilyn Wilson)
Belly dancer and coffee roaster. Owns the Hypnobean, a coffee shop. Generally friendly, but never sleeps. Possibly a witch.

Newt Caster (Jason Weddell) Playable Character!
A young man who thinks he's a dwarf. Lives as a full-time LARPer. Might go on adventures, but also not very helpful.

Angela Pimlot (Noah B. Wilson) Playable Character!
A crazy, cat lady who lives in Grumpy Town.

Dirk McClintock (Max Marple)
An Executive Pirate who may or may not be as awesome as he sounds. Has really great teeth.

King Kahlua (TBD)
The big-boss of the Sweet Island Mafia. Well aware of the fact Brick killed his brothers.

Bag Face (TBD) Playable Character!
A wandering weirdo who wears a bag over his face with no eye holes. Believes himself to be a super-villain. TBD.

The Risk Taker (TBD) Playable Character!
An elf who loves to steal things for the sake of stealing things. Cannot be trusted and generally disliked by everyone.

"Charlie" (Kiwi Simpson) Playable Character!
A former GovTech Agent turned wine connoisseur who opened a winery on Ciaofiasco Island. She still remembers all of her combat training.

Merlin Acrimonious (Joey Milano)
A grumpy theater owner who stole the Staff of Ra and became a grumpy wizard. Very disinterested in anything you have to say. Might pick your pockets.

Wanda Casino (TBD)
Boozer The Clown's mom. Runs the aptly named Wanda's Casino. Very wealthy, and tries to keep her son from stealing from her casino. Generally helpful.

The Pasta Dealer (Gabe Wilson)
A mysterious man who sells illegal pasta on Ciaofiasco Island. Is paralyzed in one arm. Leans a lot.

The Sugar Dealer (Logan Mitchell)
A powerful crimeboss who sells illegal sugar. May or may not have invisible henchmen. No one knows for sure.

Carlos Juan Vespa (Noah B. Wilson)
An extremely wealthy art collector from Anarchy Island who travels the world buying random things. Seems like a creeper. Says a lot of inappropriate things.

RETRO KNIGHT TEAM
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