If you are here for Retro Knight: The Relics of General Importance, Click Here. Sadly, the game has been discontuned and will not be updated further. Blame Apple. Support for the game will remain through 2024.
Welcome to Retro Knight: The Trials of Daily Monotony, a new HTML5 / Browser RPG of epic proportions! The game isn't ready yet and will arrive in early 2024. Some features and tools will be released beforehand, so visit for updates!
Retro Knight takes place in the stupidly-stereotypical world of Kingdomland, a country that is suppressed with such strength that society seems to be stuck in medieval times. While the rest of the world is modern, Kingdomland remains generally poverty stricken and stuck under the rule of the Kerupt family. The core of the game follows the adventures of Grudge (or Grudgette) as they sign up to be a Knight under King Bovine Kerupt and Kerupt Industries. As a Knight, Grudge is assigned Daily Quests which are meant to both clean Kingdomland of monsters and turn a profit for Kerupt Industries. This is both a liberating and sometimes daunting task as Grudge is allowed to work from home and complete his Quests at his own leisure. Grudge is also allowed to accept or decline Quests, but the more Quests he fails to complete, the more monsters and problems he will encounter. It’s up to Grudge if he wants to either clean up Kingdomland (and other nearby realms), or ignore his Quests and just go have fun.
The Gameplay of Retro Knight is very much akin to the Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past; a top-down RPG that allows for tons of freedom, customization, and exploration. Grudge can equip a variety of weapons, wear different costumes, and even find wacky forms of transportation in order to get around Kingdomland. He can carry all sorts of items from a giant inventory, collect various foods, objects, weapons, and amulets to help him complete his Quests. There is also a huge variety of side-quests that might entice Grudge to help the locals with their own personal problems instead of working for King Kerput. And despite playing like an action/RPG game (and being marketed as one), the game is simply a simulation. It never ends. It never stops. It just goes on and on as players explore the ever-growing world, discover new objects and items, and continue to simply live in Kingdomland.

Ideally, the Quests will create an “Episode of the Day” for the player to enjoy. While Quests do repeat, they also act to help flesh out the world via silly, short plots without the user having to worry about actually progressing a giant, major plot. Sure, there could be added sub-plots involving various side characters, but the goal is to create a game that feels fresh each day while also allowing the player to progress, build, customize, and even create. It should eventually feel like an “RPG of the Day” as well, with each day offering almost an entirely new game, albeit in the same style/world.
FREE: Retro Knight will be free to play. No ads. No sign ups. Just a log-in account and a computer are required to play this game. Additional Quests, Bonus Items, and certain Playable Characters can be purchased separately, but apart from these select DLC-type additions, the entirety of the game is totally free. There is no free demo or pay wall limiting gameplay in any other way. Anyone can just go to the website and start playing.
HTML5 ACCESSIBILITY: In addition to being free, Retro Knight is playable in most common desktop browsers without any sort of downloaded plugin required. It is tested for Chrome and Edge, but can be played in Safari as well. It does not run well in Firefox due to Firefox’s limitations in HTML5. It is currently not available for mobile, but it is designed to potentially become mobilel in the future. There is also a (very unlikely) possibility of porting it to Switch. All save data is stored in the cloud, so you can log in from any desktop or laptop and pick up where you left off.
NEVER ENDING FUN: Retro Knight simply never ends. There is no overarching plot, but there are many fun subplots that the player may stumble up and subsequently complete. Each Daily Quest is meant to be its own ‘episode’ or ‘story’. Quests do repeat at times, but new Quests are always being added, as are entire islands full of new towns, monsters, secrets, and fun. Just fun. So much fun.
LIVE IN KINGDOMLAND: Grudge is indeed a knight, but he also has a life. He has been given a small house to work from, which can be customized to fit the player’s desires. Furniture can be placed, which unlocks new abilities such as cooking, extra storage, crafting, or just sleeping. Adding specific objects, trophies, or relics to your house can also improve your strength, endurance, or even allow you to teleport to far off places! You can even allow other players to visit your house and discover how you live your life. Sometimes its smart to just ignore your Quests and live a little!
  • Cooking: Mix foods to make new foods! Learn new recipes from local townsfolk, farmers, or less-than-greedy restaurants.
  • Crafting: Mix objects to make weapons! Learn how to make some weapons from local blacksmiths or weapon retailers.
  • Sleeping: Naps are fun. Naps refill your health and stamina.
A WORLD OF LEVELS: Thanks to the fancy Level Editor, and it’s best friend the Level Generator, the number of potential Levels in Retro Knight is very much infinite. Levels can be created by any user and added to an ever-growing database of Level Zones, then reused, flipped, altered, and edited to create entirely new Levels in a matter of minutes. It will take far, far more time to play a Level than it will take to create one, thus allowing the game to grow rather exponentially. Currently, a goal of 750 Levels is targeted. The original Retro Knight had about 40 or so.
FUNNY AS ALL HELL: Retro Knight’s first goal is to be just the best damn video game ever. Daunting task, but no one sets out to make a mediocre game (that I know of). However, the second goal is just straight-up comedy. Retro Knight is silly, goofy, comical, and basks in parody. It is stuffed to the brim with not only parodies of classic video games from Mario and Link to Bionic Commando and Bubble Bobble, but also full of silly movie references, pop-culture rips, and simply too many things to list here. It is fully voice-acted and even contains animated cutscenes for some Quests.
KEEPING EVERYONE HAPPY: Kingdomland has broken up into different Factions, and most of them don’t really like each other. Doing side-quests for Faction A will allow you to get more items and benefits from the group, but it may make Faction B hate you more! Such hostility! Things may get a little confusing as you try to do your best to save Kingdomland without making other people mad.
REGIONAL PROBLEMS: Kingdomland is also broken up into Seven Regions, each of which have their own problems with monsters. Problems are always growing, so it is up to Grudge to stamp them out and make everyone feel safe. If you can keep the Problem Meter down for a specific Region, that Region will likely lower their prices, keep their doors unlocked, and may even help you find new secrets in the area! The NPCs will all react more positively if they aren’t scared of getting eaten all the time.
RIVER RIDES: There are four spots where Grudge can hop in a tube and go down river. There are items and money to be found along the way, as well as dangers. This method will cause Grudge to travel as well.
MINE CARTS: Like the River Rides, this platformer-style game will have Grudge riding in a mine cart that won’t stop. Thankfully, he can jump to collect items. Also like the River Rides, Grudge will travel and end up somewhere else by the end.
HANG GLIDER: Very similar to the Mine Carts, Grudge can glide from a mountain down to a valley and try and collect things along the way. There are four spots on the map where he can leap from.
FISHING: Buy a pole and a hook and go fishing for fish! You can sell the fish, or cook it and eat it to gain health. Some Quests require fish to complete. Different fish can be found in different regions of the map. Pay attention to salt water and fresh water as well.
MINING: It is possible to find rocks on the ground that can be given to Gemologists, but if you buy a pick axe and find an ore deposit, you can get a lot of rocks! Rocks can be used as weapons or cracked open to see if something better is inside. Ore deposits slowly recharge over time.
FARMING: If you buy a Plot of Land for your House, you can farm. Buy seeds and plant them to see what grows. You have to water them daily or they die, so play often.
GRUDGE'S ARCADE: Disconnected from the game entirely are a series of mini games on the website which the player can play for Gnit. They parody classic NES games.

GORDONS: The Gordons are a peaceful, sasquatch-type race who live in the mountains and love heat. They live in Gordon City by a giant volcano and make great coffee and spicy dishes. Sure, they could crush a human like a tin-can, but most of them don’t care for violence and would rather live a peaceful life. It may be tough to get a Gordon to join your team, but money always talks. Parody: Gorons (Zelda) / Sasquatches. Temperament: Always Good Guys.

SHROOMAS & SHROOBIS: There really is no genetic difference between those of the Mushroom race other than the Shroombas want to murder anyone who isn’t a Shroomba and doesn’t worship their Mushroom God (NAME TBD), and the Shroombis are peaceful and just wanna get high. You will likely encounter (and murder) many Shroombas in the world as they believe to be in a constant war against everyone. Of note: The sinister Shroombas come in a variety of armors and styles, and should be considered quite monstrous. They simply cannot be reasoned with and lack the ability for rational, logical thought. Parody: Goombas (Mario) / Alt-Right Religious Fanatics & Stoned, Liberal Hippies. Temperament: Shroombas Always Bad. Shroombis Always Good.
THE SHYGA CLAN: The Shyga are a violent band of thieves who often live in caves and have an ancient code of conduct. They are a strange group who hide their faces, so there’s a chance some Shyga are actually normal people who only go to Shyga meetings at night. They are blademasters, enjoy cooking fancy dinners, and are willing to kill to protect their identities. Due to your presumably heroic nature, you likely won’t be able to reason with any Shyga or ask them to join your team, so be prepared for a fight. Parody: Shy Guys (Mario 2) / Yiga (Zelda). Temperament: Always Bad (unless you get a Shyga Mask).
METALORIANS: The Metalorians are a legendary band of strange, ancient, zombie-like knights who believe the sacred and mighty Legendasuarus Rex is the rightful ruler of not only Kingdomland, but the entire planet! They see the current king as a false god, and see you as a threat. Unable to take off their masks for unknown religious reasons, no one has ever seen a Metalorian’s face. They are basically Zombos with swords and armor, so hack them down. There’s really no getting through to a Metalorian. Parody: Iron Knuckle (Zelda) / Mandalorians (Star Wars). Temperament: Always Bad (unless you get a Metalorian Helmet).
PORKS: The Porks are a warring, pig-like race who fancy themselves the rulers of the ocean and master ship-builders. They can be your best friend or your worst enemy depending on where you are. If you come across a Pork village, you might find friendly Porks willing to help for they respect the human’s dominion over the land. Yet if you’re on the ocean and run into one of their massive, floating barges, some of those same Porks might just gut you and eat your meat. Keep in mind, some Porks believe they should also conquer the land, so you may run into a few violent ones while wandering around on your Quests. They love swords and blades, so you might find some handy weapons created by their legendary blacksmiths. Parody: Orcs (Lord of the Rings) / Klingons (Star Trek) / Gamorrean (Star Wars). Temperament: Varying.
NEPTONIANS: The Neptonians are a religious, fish-like race who seek enlightenment and purity, yet also seek to cleanse the planet of evil. Being a fish-like race, they also find themselves at constant war with the Porks, both of which believe the ocean to be theirs. The Humans and Neptonians generally get along, but you might find it hard to team up with both a Neptonian and a Pork at the same time. Also believing the bow and arrow to be the greatest of all weapons, they might be helpful in helping you master your bow instead of your sword. Parody: Elves (Lord of the Rings) / Vulcan (Star Trek) / Zora (Zelda). Temperament: Varying.
GOGOBOTS: Gogobots are a race of robots who have managed to separate away from their creators and start a new life on artificial turf. Gogobots generally do not like humans, but can be very friendly if you can convince them you are a robot (or at least that you like robots). It could be tricky to befriend them, but if you can, you’ll score some awesome modern tech and weaponry. Gogobots operate independently, yet are capable of joining a hive-mind collective when threatened to alert the rest of the entire race of a possible threat. They are not as outwardly violent as other vengeful robots in the world, but they sure can be! Tread lightly, and if one attacks you, kill it fast before more show up. Parody: Game Boys, Borg (Star Trek). Temperament: Varying.

BLIPPS: Blipps are living slime creatures that roam everywhere. They are simple-minded and often sting, burn, or freeze. Some even multiply if you stab them. You’re going to see them a lot. Parody: Slimes (Dragon Warrior) / Chuchu (Zelda)

ZOMBOS: Zombos are humans who didn’t want to stay dead. They are barely alive at all and believe eating other people will somehow revive them. It doesn’t work, but suffice to say; Zombos are dumb. Hack them down before they bite you and infect you with you with their weird, undead disease. Parody: Zombies (Anything)
FROGURTS: Forgurts are giant, flesh-eating frogs. They see you as their next meal. You can avoid them if you like, but no one is going to get mad at you if you kill them. Parody: Frog (Frogger)
SKELETOX: Skeletox are Zombos who didn’t want to stay dead. They’re literally just skeletons. What the hell? Die already! Grey Skeletox can be hacked down quickly while Red Skeletox keep getting up again. Parody: Skeletons (Castlevania)
WIZZOS: Wizzos stem from an ancient time when humans thought they could harness magic, and instead turned themselves into ghosts. Able to still use magic, these wandering spirits long to possess humans again and return to their solid forms. Don’t let them. Parody: Wizrobes (Zelda) and Maita (Bubble Bobble)
STORMY: Stormies are living clouds who don’t like land-dwellers. Somehow, they’ve developed their own explosives and like to throw them at those walking below. How is this even possible? Stormies can be hard to kill because they are so high up, but you can shoot them with arrows or hit them by attacking upward. Parody: Lakitu (Mario)
VIPER VINES: These plants eat meat and spit venom or poisonous clouds to slow down their prey. Suffice to say, trim these plants with your sword. Parody: Piranha Plant (Mario)
SPINEDIDDIES: Are Spinediddies really monsters? They are basically just turtles with spikes on their back who are very slow and generally mind their own business. But some are known to be hostile if you get to close, so it’s okay to defend yourself. But seriously, can’t you just walk around them and leave them alone? Parody: Spiny (Mario)
WEBBER: These large spiders are just that: large spiders. They swing down from above and can slow you down with webings. They often share their meals with other Webbers and work in groups. If you don’t want to become their next meal, squash them. Parody: Skulltula (Zelda)
WARBIRDS: These giant ostriches roam hot, arid areas, and seem to like to hang around lava beds. They mind their own business until they see you, then they run right at you with their sharp beaks. Stay out of their path! Parody: Ostriches (Joust)
ZORBA: Beasts of the water, these huge fish creatures are far less advanced Neptonians who failed to evolve and just want to kill. Like the Stormies, they’ve also developed their own explosives and like to throw them at land dwellers. Who is giving out all these explosives to monsters? Parody: Zora (Zelda)
OCTOS: With thick skin and the ability to breathe out of water, this land-dwelling octopi are not your friend. They eat worms from the dirt, and as a result, they get filled up with rocks. They spit them at passersby to assert dominance. Rude. Parody: Octoroks (Zelda)
WINDER: These early attempts at mechanical robots were outlawed by King Kerupt long ago, yet they can still be found in abandoned factories and mines. Still functional, and now bitter about being cast aside by the king, these giant robots want revenge. Better take them out before they get that desired revenge. Parody: Benzo (Bubble Bobble)
SMART HAT: Friends of the Winders, these robots were mostly used in mining. Rumor is that they keep the Winders wound and are plotting a robot uprising. They hide under their hats and wait for humans to come around so they can attack. Parody: Met (Mega Man)
DRONO: Another rogue robot that is not your friend. They worked in factories as overseers of their robot kin, but now alert robots of intruders and fire lasers from above. They float around quickly and can be very hard to take out. Parody: Telly (Mega Man)
STABBY: This cactus can walk! Stay away from these moving cacti or you might get … poked. Parody: Pokey (Mario)

GIANT BLIPP: A supersized Blipp who is made up of hundreds of smaller Blipps. They are slow, but can spawn more Blipps and make your life hell.

LORD WIZZO: This giant-sized ghost has been absorbing the magical power of other Wizzos with a hope to conquer all of Kingdomland. Exorcize this ghost with your sword or some magical spells of your own.
WEBBER QUEEN: This huge spider can thankfully only be found deep underground, so if you don’t want to meet one, just don’t go there. Sadly, some of your Quests require you to go underground. Darn.
KING FISH: This giant fish has been spotted in lakes and bays, and is capable of eating a small ship in one bite! They also are known to surface and spit fireballs to cook people who may think the beach is safe. It’s not. You might need a bigger boat, or just stay far enough away from the water and shoot arrows back.
SUPER SKULL: Where did this giant skull come from? While there are no records of giant, fifty-foot-tall people roaming around, this skull seems to have come from a giant and is still alive! Thankfully without a body, all it can do is bounce around spitting fire and bats at you. What the hell is this thing and who designed it? There is no God.
MEGABOY: A creature born of sophisticated artificial intelligence and old video games, this giant living hand-held game console has come to life and longs for revenge on those who designed it. Not quite a Gogobot, these huge robots do not belong to any sort of collective believe all humans to be morally evil, this huge robot shoots lasers as it rides around on wheels. Rage against the machine.
GYGA SHYGA: A General in the Shyga Clan. Bigger. Faster. Stronger. Still won’t take its mask off. You’ll find these guys in Shyga strongholds across Kingdomland.
THE LEGENDASARUS REX: Is it real? Are the Metalorians right? Or is it just a giant paper mache parade float gone wrong? In any case, this giant dragon thing is breathing fire, so you may just want to hack it down.